Saturday, June 4th 2016 Day 8

I’m reading through Psalms for my quiet time and I was reading chapter 38 when I came to verses 3b to 11. It’s talking abut how David’s sin has affected him and he feels alone and helpless in that. That so struck me because that’s very like what I feel now. I’ve fallen into various temptations so many times that it’s so hard to stop–and had those temptations been available to me today and the last week, I’d probably be falling into them–even now. So with that in the back of my mind, I almost feel like I’m continuing to sin even though I’m not because I can’t watch those movies or read those books that were part of the problem (not all, because I acknowledge that should I resist them, or do it in moderation, they wouldn’t be a problem). So I don’t know how to get back up and move forward, maybe I’m afraid because I don’t want to rid myself of this sin [because I’m selfish], but I’m very afraid that I will just revert to it when I return home. Maybe I use the reason of “not feeling close enough to God to confess my sin” and “not having a stretch of alone time long enough to confess it in one go, and that’s only how I want to do it” as excuses to not repent at all.

[Followed by a written prayer of repentance and pleading for His strength and help.]

Friday, June 3rd 2016 Day 7

I can see it in the actions of myself and others–I’m exhausted and so is my group. Yes, we get sleep and it’s supposed to be enough for you to have strength throughout the day, but there is a certain kind of strength that I don’t think I get enough sleep to help in–maybe that’s the way it’s supposed to be. But I don’t have very much emotional strength. I’ve heard that many people have the biggest struggle emotionally, and I understood–but I think it’s a littler clearer now. My fuse for “exhaustion uncontrollable laughter” is getting shorter and shorter–it’s only come out about 4 or 5 times, but that’s a lot for me. I’ve only had 2 or 3 days with those episodes, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they became more regular. I’m just hoping I get a good amount of sleep on the weekend–just a day or 2 away. I’m making it–just one day at a time. First aid ended yesterday, so I’m wondering what we’re up to, but because it’s supposed to surprise you, they don’t tell you ahead of time–so I try not to really figure it out–it also just takes up more brain power.

Later:

I did 2.5 miles for PT today–1.5 mi. jogging and 1 mi. walking. I was breathing heavy at the end, but not heaving anything like the first day–it was a good run. [That was in Emma’s group, the medium group.]

Devotion Notes 6-2-16

Offences Come, So Make the Most of Them

Ps. 119:165 NASB “Those who love your law have great peace, and nothing causes them to stumble.”

Ps. 119:165 KJV “Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them.”

Satan tempts us, then if we fall into that he leads us to justify it. Luke 17:1 says that offences will come. How will we deal with the offences? Are you going to jump on the bandwagon and justify your actions because of the offences?

God uses the offences to come to strengthen our relationship with Him–it’s up to us and how we process them [the offences]. God and Satan use the offences, which one will you choose to follow [which one will you allow to use the offences to their benefit]?

Our life is like a water line. We have joy and peace flowing through us because our life is like a channel for God. But when we take offence it puts a kink in our line that stops that flow. But God can give us grace to not take offence but to use the offence to better that channel.

James 4:6 KJV “But He giveth more grace. Wherefore He saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.”

When we humble ourselves, He will lift us up. Like King Naaman in 2 Kings, we miss out on God’s blessings when we don’t follow instructions and humble ourselves. When we take offence, it affects other people.

Can we take the same route as Joseph and not be offended at the wrong done to us?   Matthew 15:22-28 (the story of a woman of Canaan who begged Jesus to heal her demon-possessed daughter) She could’ve taken offence a lot, but she didn’t and she was blessed. John 9:1-12 (the blind man was healed by humbly allowing Jesus to put mud on his eyes)

Which do you choose–God’s stepping stone or Satan’s stumbling block? Who makes the deciding choice? We do.

God wants to use the offence to humble us so that He can bring us up in His strength in due time. We can overlook an offence with God’s grace.

Thursday, June 2nd 2016 Day 6

2 Chronicles 7:13-15 NASB “If I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or if I command the locust to devour the land, or if I send pestilence among My people, 14 and My people who are called by My name humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, will forgive their sin and will heal their land. 15 Now My eyes will be open and My ears will be attentive to the prayer offered in this place.”

Devotion time, am:

This verse (14) was mentioned last night in the personalities section. I found it very encouraging–if we repent from our wicked ways and humbly pray to Him, He will heal our land. I saw that and I knew I wanted to hold onto it for a while. It gives me hope and makes me even more repentant and humbly pray to God. I said “even more”, but I think truly I’m not doing it in the first place–not both [repenting & humbly praying] at least. I guess that I have repeated the same sin for so long that I don’t know how to address it. I don’t feel like God hears my prayers anymore. What do I do if I’m afraid to repent because I feel like I’m going to just do it again and make that repentance insincere?

Wednesday, June 1st 2016 Day 5

I say I’m fine–but am I really? The exhaustion is building up inside of me. I felt like I got 1, maybe 2, hours of sleep last night. I’m already tired–and I don’t think it’s just because it’s 5:20 am. But the Lord will see me through. I truly believe right now that He will not give me more than I can handle–so I’ll just go with the flow and trust Him with the logistics.

Later (Devotion notes, I think):

Words are so important. You may not realize how much your words build up or tear down someone.     Words can make or break a relationship.

Psalms 141:3 “Set a guard over my mouth…”; James 3:2–We’re not perfect, “we all stumble”

Journal, 11:30pm:

Today was drywall. Amanda was teaching again and I enjoyed it. Drywall is fun. And messy.

Tuesday, May 31st 2016 Day 4

Morning devotion time [Before PT]:

At times throughout the day I still forget Him. So I am far from being fully focused on Christ, but I’m getting closer. Today is the 2nd weekday. One minute I dread PT, the next I look forward to what it might bring–telling myself that I don’t have to push myself as hard as yesterday (where I ran so much I could literally barely breathe). No doubt there will be some pain–I feel it today, but it’ll be good, and as long as I can still breathe, I can handle it–or so I tell myself. We’ll see the truth later. [For clarification: yesterday’s PT was a mile race, everyone ran/jogged/walked/combination it as fast as they could to get their 1-mile time. I did it in 9 min 22 sec–and ended up borrowing someone’s inhaler at the end because I pushed myself a little too hard.]

Yesterday  was plumbing before lunch, taught by Amanda. Then CPR & AED use intro after lunch. Then, because it was Memorial day we ate dinner at the lake (hotdogs & brownies) and swam afterward. We’ll see what classes they have in store for us today.

After PT:

It is so weird to have days that are so long. They start at 5am and by 8 or 9am you feel like it should be mid-afternoon, then by lunch, you feel like it should be dinner–but it’s only 12pm! I guess I’ll get used to the longer days soon enough.

I didn’t die in PT today. I went in the slow group, the group that if you got a 10.30 time or longer you were allocated to go in–even though my time was 9.22. The slow group put a dent in my energy then I leveled it out by running in the gym while waiting for the other two groups to return. Next time I’ll go in the medium group (Emma’s group, the one I’m supposed to be in) and so what if I’m last. My goal now is to get a 9-minute mile without gasping for my last breath at the end of the month.

[BTW, I forgot to journal this, but: today’s lessons were basic electrical (we wired outlets and simple lamps) and more CPR & First Aid]

Color Personalities 5-30-16

We are made in His image, but we need to reflect His image also.

Mark 12:30-31 NASB (emphasis mine) “‘…30 And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.’31 The second is this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

There are 4 main types of personalities deducted from Mark 12:30. [Comment below if you’d like to know more about these specific color personalities.]

Blue: heart- Theme verse: Ps. 116:5 “…Our God is full of compassion”

Gold: soul- Theme verse: Rev. 19:11 “…He is called Faithful and True…”

Green: mind- Theme verse: Luke 2:40 “…He was filled with wisdom…”

Orange: strength- Theme verse: Ps. 93:1 “…the Lord is clothed with strength…”

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In estimation…

45% population: Gold–Very duty-based, work before play, values structure & orderliness

30% population: Orange–Thrives on adventure, energetic, loves independence & not rules

15% population: Blue–Nurturer, assister, careful of others’ emotions, not competitors

10% population: Green–Mind-based person, inquisitive, values competence

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We must turn our agitations into admirations.     1 John 4:21, Eph 4:12-13

Perspective influences our priorities which influence our practices. So we need discernment.

Eph 1:18 NASB (emphasis mine) “I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened,…”

Devotion Notes 5-30-16

Giver Vs. Taker

Acts 20:35 NASB “In everything I showed you that by working hard in this manner you must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, that He Himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.'”

Am I a giver or a taker? God says it is more blessed to give than to receive.

John 3:16; God is a giver. [He gave His only son.] To be godly, God-like, we should be givers.

Phil 1:20-23; Paul was a giver.     Phil 2:19-20; Timothy was a giver.     Abraham was a giver.

Phil 2:21; Everyone seeks their own interests. [That is human nature]

We’re called to be Christ-centered, showing His love, peace, and grace–giving, not just taking. So, who am I? Who am I going to be?

When you go to church, are you there to give or to take? [Are you there to shine God’s love to others and encourage them, or are you there to just get that encouragement from others and learn the lessons from the sermons?] You say “well, I don’t get anything out of it.” [In reference to the sermon or what others are sharing] Then are you being a giver or a taker?

Challenge: Be a giver through STEP with encouraging words.

Life and death can be in the tongue.

Luke 6:30 NASB “Give to everyone who asks of you, and whoever takes away what is yours, do not demand it back.”

Monday, May 30th 2016 Day 3

Reading Psalms 19-22 reminded me of my own state. The place I feel like I’ve put myself by repeatedly sinning in one or two areas and hardly confessing, but not repenting.

I pushed Him away and now that I am searching, I still feel lost. I don’t feel His presence or hear His voice. In the Bible He was a still, small voice–do I need to listen more, be quieter? How do I search the scriptures? I’m reading through psalms now, but I don’t know how to study or meditate on them. Which verses do I focus on then? Where do I start after so long avoiding and pushing away God? STEP is so great because I can’t avoid Him and I have nothing else to fill the void of temptation, so I want to read the Bible, I want to seek Him and find Him. Though I wouldn’t blame Him if He hid from me after all I did to Him, I’m sure He won’t.

Help this to last. Help me to ground my faith so solidly in You. I don’t want this to be simply emotional, but true.